Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
