just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
