Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
