great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
