If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
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