You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
