Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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