operation harelip BJ is a go
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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