Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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