Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
