Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize