this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
