Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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