Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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