I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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