Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
