Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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