Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
