My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
