Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
