my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
