would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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