and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
