Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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