On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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