Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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