ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
