i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
