After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
