Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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