so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
