highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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