He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You can't motorboat a personality
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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