Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
