My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Randomize
