when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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