I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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