just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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