What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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