and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
