guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
