this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
