Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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