Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
