i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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