im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i believe in u and ur pee
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
