i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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