Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
