and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
