Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
