im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
