If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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