when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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