why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
