i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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