I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
