Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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