just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
No subtext here. People are naked.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
