he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
