Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
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