Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
