Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
