sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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