He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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