barbara walters just said penis...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think I sprained my soul last night
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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