Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We need to get me chipped asap
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
