it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
