I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i think i have two assholes
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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