The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
