you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize