I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
