Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Randomize
