question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
