TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I queefed so loud it echoed.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
