she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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